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veker

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College life [23 Sep 2005|12:55pm]
Got bored, and decided to start writing in here again.

Skidmore's turning out to be a lot of fun. There's soo many activities to partake of.. it's soo much more different than high school.

The clubs here are pretty fun too.. i joined the ACA (Asian Cultural Awareness) club, and the Hayat Club. Hayat means "life" in arabic, hindi, persin, turkish, and urdu

My classes suck pretty bad.. or atleast my scheduling does. I'm pretty much busy every minute of the day from mon. - wed. Thrus and fri are my easy days. I get off around 2:30 for both of them. That's what's soo werid about college.. i call that an early day now.. but in high school that used to be the normal time we'd get off... and i thought highschool was exhausting. Classes don't end for me 'till 7:50 pm on mondays and wed. Tuesdays i have chem lab from 2:10 - 5:10.. which is tough.

I feel bad for those kids who have bio and chem their freshmen year (what i wanted to do.. but classes got filled up)

What else to say.. hmm.. w/ increasing gas prices.. i don't think i'm gonna be driving around anywhere... for a while.


Tonight.. ACA is sponsoring a part in Scribner Village.. which should be pretty hot. Other than that... i'll prolly just chill in the room.. maybe watch a movie.

But anyways.. it feels good writing in here again.. kinda like a good way to release some stress..

i can't wait to go back home though. It was my comfort zone i guess.. i liked where i was.. i liked who i was.. and i liked what i was doing. It's kinda weird here.. i haven't found the right 'click' yet...

Laundry's done.. so i'm gonna roll.
climb the fence

Keep'in it live naw... [27 Sep 2004|08:31pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Current Favorite Song...

"Could I have been
A parking lot attendant
Could I have been
A millionaire in Bel Air
Could I have been Lost somewhere in Paris
Could I have been
Your little brother
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone

He stands touch his hair his shoes untied
Tongue gaping stare
Could I have been a magnet for money?
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Twenty three and so tired of life
Such a shame to throw it all away
The images grow darker still
Could I have been anyone other than me? Then I

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy

I am who I am who I am who am I
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Sing and dance I'll play for you tonight
And thrill at it all
Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes
But I'll work it out then I

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy

Falling out of a world of lies
Could I have been dancing nancy
Could I have been anyone other than me?"


Just on song that makes me kinda happy.. and sad at the same time.. good riding song.

What's new w/ me.. since school's started.. well actually.. a lot.

I'm Red Land's Mascot a long w/ my friend Ryan.. it's some pretty kick ass times we have.. maybe i'll post some pics later on. Umm.. Marching Band asked me to do a couple of solo's for 'em in their show.. so i'm doing that... which is awesome.. cuz i get to wear my Patriot Uniform on friday's and perform the show. I'm still workin at stupid Shoe Dept.. but only on tue's. since i have to go to a coupla cheerleader's practices.. which is fun as shit.. haha There's definately perks to being really kewl, and trusted by the cheer leaders. Starting to do college stuff.. which is good.. i suppose. Umm.. let's see.. school's fine.. being a senior is definately worth it.. we pretty much do as we please, when it suits us best. Teachers are really nice to us, and understand not to baby us like freshmen. The weather still sucks.. the school gets soo humid and sticky.. sometime's it's almost unbareable... but we still live on, to come back the next day.

SAT's this Oct 9'th.. Hopefully the Prep Course is helping out w/ increasing my verbal scores.

Gotta study for BIO AP now.. i probably won't post for another long ass time.. so this is all ur gettin as of right now...

like it even f'kin matters.

climb the fence

[11 Jun 2004|08:36pm]
A Silent Killer - Depression

It hides quietly in the darkness, it is all consuming
It has the strength to destroy and aches to be set free
Its space is small yet it overflows its bounds
To smother and suffocate, its sole purpose to destroy
You try to run, to hide away, no matter it will find you
It does find you one day and the games begin anew
You walk the streets, no once sees the pain you live
You hide it well – god forbid it shows
The mask you wear to keep it hidden and secret
For fear if others know they will shun you like the plague
They know not what you suffer, nor do they understand
Some call it a cry for sympathy, others just turn away
The burden of depression is yours and yours alone
Do you dare to share your pain??
Where it comes from you cannot say
It lingers ever close and ready to consume
The never ending struggle to control and hide it
To never let it win the ultimate battle
The consequences should it win too evil to speak
To be held forever a prisoner inside your own mind
Or worse, its greatest triumph would be your death
Sleep now my enemy, give me rest and peace
Let me catch my breath to fight again
You will not win, I won’t let you ever take me
I stand my ground of freedom strong
Yes I will win this fight, this constant battle
So torment me if you will but know this
I swear with all my might, I will survive.
climb the fence

[27 Mar 2004|10:10am]
So, a recent update on my life.. well... the toilet papering has ceased for the time beings, becuase some people decided to put temporary paint on a group of guys' cars (including mine), so we called it quits.

volleyball started back up.. and once agian.. my brother and i are on JV?? I don't understand it.. he was JV captain, and MVP.. but never gets put up to varsity the next year.. how dumb is that? And than the obvious fact.. that the varsity hates all of jv.. those stupid punk asses.. I don't get how they were kewl w/ everyone last year.. but now they hate everyone and talk smack on them... it's soo immature.

either way, i still get a lot of playing time, so i don't complain.

work is work..it's something i don't really care about, as well as don't care to share.

school's ... akward. i don't like it as much anymore. It's a weird place to be in right now.. just because all the shit going around right now. We had PSSA testing all this past week.. so i got out of Psychology that whole time.. which was awesome, becuase i hate the student teacher, and i got out of history.. which sucks.. because that was one of the 4 classes i looked forward to. That and Chem II are my highlights.. the rest is just kinda 'blah'...

Still having halo nights every weekend, which is fun... One of those.. 'guys night in' type of thing.

there's been a lot of talk about prom already.. and quite frankly.. i don't care for it. It's not that i DON'T care for it.. it's just that i don't really see anyone in perticular that i wish to go with.. so this year, i'm gonna sit back, and see how things play out. No more of this stupid highschool drama shit.. maybe a friend of mine will actually come up to me and open up to me... instead of making it a big deal. If not, than it really doesn't bug me. I knew for a while that this year was gonna be shitty.

Well, i guess i should be off now, i have a lot of saturday morning things to get done... since my dad's not here.
climb the fence

[29 Feb 2004|08:45pm]
I DROP MY HEAD KNOWING I WILL BE FORGOTTEN
I JUST WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH TO PULL THROUGH THIS TIME
2 broke through | climb the fence

[28 Jan 2004|01:59am]
my house is about 200 feet from being on fire. My back yard is practically against the blaze.

1:20 in the morniing and there's a fire at the cable company behind my house.. About a dozen back ends of 18-wheelers (big rigs) are on fire.. and speratic explosions going off.

if ya ask me.. it's the best damn fireworks we've had in pa for a while now... heh (back to serious mode)

we were told by my dad to evacuate the house.. incase if it spreads over... but that hasn't happeend yet. Dunno how extreme this thing's gonna get.. but i'm kinda anxious to find out.

haven't had school for 2 days.. it's like a dream come true.. now i'm just hoping that they change our 2 hr delay into a closing.

I've been goign to krystal's and erby's house, and watching some movies. We were supposed to play some pool yesterday, but the roads got waaay too bad and i had to get home before i got stuck at erby's house.

We say 'The Butterfly Effect' 2 days ago.. it was a good movie. i liked it. it was interesting,so it appealed to me.

Well, i'll post something later in the day.. about this little 'fire experience' i had. right now.. i think i'm going back to sleep.. as the shit keeps blazin.

*thinks*.. maybe i'll roast some marshmellows?¿?
2 broke through | climb the fence

[09 Jan 2004|04:09pm]
like the phoenix, one must destroy themselves to be transformed into another.
2 broke through | climb the fence

[03 Jan 2004|02:05am]
[ mood | shitty ]

"Down Another Day"

The end is near, the summer days
All the great things go away
Feel the cold comin' 'round the bend
Everything's gonna change again

Down another day, down another day

Oh, the winter i adore
Summer's gone forever more
Some days you come back to me
Seasons change to set me free

Down another day, down another day

Don't have to bore you with details (i'll never let you down)
And every morning, the sun rise (will never let you down)
Oh I could hold you tomorrow (i'll never let you down)
When she's golden, the ocean (we'll never let you down)

The end is near, my winter fling
Change is melting everything
Now it's time, to sink below
Season come, season go

Down another day, down another day

Don't have to bore you with details (i'll never let you down)
And every morning, the sun rise (will never let you down)
If i could hold you to my road (i'll never let you down)
When she's golden, the ocean (we'll never let you down)

I keep saying goodbye, saying goodbye
Keep saying goodbye
And she's all that's coming back, she keeps coming back
She keeps coming back
I keep saying goodbye, saying goodbye
Keep saying goodbye
She's always coming back, she keeps coming back
You keep coming back

Don't have to bore you with details (i'll never let you down)
And every morning, the sun rise (will never let you down)
If i could hold you tomorrow (i'll never let you down)
When she's golden, the ocean (we'll never let you down)

Down another day, down another day
(we'll never let you down)
Down another day, down another day




sadly.. 'she' has become my sanity...

i dunno what's goign on right now.. quite frankly.. i wish absolutely nothing was going on. i just keep trying to make myself occupied.. Watched Paycheck last night.. watched Bad Santa tonight... this break was a complete waste.

it's death to just sit here.. staring at the monitor... well not exactly staring 'AT' the monitor.. but be in a deep stare.. while looking in the bottom corner of the computer monitor.. for minutes on end..

reflecting totally sucks. i hate it.. did you ever have someone ask you.. 'what was one of your greatest accomplishments?'.. and tell them that you've honely never been proud of anything you've done?.. never been happy with anything in your life?.. than, suddenly their expression changes.. their tone changes.. and their overall perspective of you changed?..

if anyone cares to know, i put in my two weeks for party city.. a week ago.. so this is my last week working there. not that i didn't like it, but i have SAT's, and i gotta get into shape.. got in and lift.. 3 days a week.. do some training, than get ready for v-ball season. i may be back in the summer... or i may just totally dissapear

other than that ^, nothing's changed. nothing that anyone would care to know.. and nothing that i'm gonna tell anyone. getting burned time after time sucks. friends, family, everyone. they don't have a problem listening to me.. and acting like they care, but the second we get in a dissagreement.. their not hesitant at all to use my feelings against myself...

it's hard losing close friends, but it's even worse losing yourself in the mix-up. trying to gather the remaing pieces of yourself, but than eventually.. you give up . it's a lost cause trying ot fix things.. a waste of time to heal or whatever. i think it's bullshit when people say that time heals all wounds. i can single handly deny that completely. that's horseshit.. time just lets you put the issue to aside, where it rots and molds, making it much worse than it ever was. no one believes in immediate care anymore.. i don't really understand why. everyone's so persistent on the idea of taking a so called 'time off'.. or some variation of that. this christmas really fucked me over.. i now know that family isn't what it used to be.. it's not that one thing that you could go to.. and you wouldn't be left out.. or neglected.. i suppose being ignored was more the term. they knew i was there.. but they didn't really care for that. not just when they were out together while i stayed at home, but also while we were all in the house together.. i felt shunned.. they turned their backs on me.. just like everthing else in my life did.

it's not like i wanted to join them at those girls' house that i hate.. but i hated how i didn't feel a part of anything. christmas was the one time where i felt a part of the family.. i mean the 'four boys' were always what we were.. always together.. always playing together... but not this year.. not ever again. i warned aakash atlest a dozen times.. next year's goign to be different.. but they won't notice the change anyways.

god damnit.. i can't even go out anymore with friends.. and have fun.. it's not enjoyable. a group effort exerted from everyone blew out that spark once in me.. it's so easy for people to put an end to me...

maybe i should put an end to some things as well..



"Comfortable Liar"

Broad, is this sea
The salt, enters the wounds
My take, on you is simple
So heal, your fear
To heal, your fear
Time, spent waking off shore
The calm, before the storm
My take, from you is simple
So heal, your fear
To heal, your fear
You're such a comfortable liar
So calm
Cause I said wrong
You comfortable liar
Liar
climb the fence

[31 Dec 2003|07:52pm]
it's sad, no matter how hard one tries to surround themselves with positive things, nothing positive ever comes of it...

...one will always be one...
climb the fence

[31 Dec 2003|10:30am]
Under my skin,
Did you know that is where you are?
How long must you scratch and scrape,
and tear me apart,
You own me through and through,
yet i do not even own,
a small fraction of you,
not your vision,
not a piece of your mind,
as i’m sure you never think of me,
and i’m beginning to realise,
that you looked and never saw me,
you saw what you wanted to see,
she is not who i am,
or someone i can be.


Why do all these bodies, faces,
cast me aside with such ease,
Why can i not rid myself of them so easily?
Why must i care for the smallest things,
These things barely touched you,
But they scold me so deeply.
Perhaps i deserve to feel the pain,
Inside, outside, it burns just the same,
I cannot forget these faces,
I know their fears, their loves, their names,
and i keep on coming back,
for another taste of a sour memory,
Where are you?
Why did you go?


climb the fence

[31 Dec 2003|10:28am]
Using is what they used to call it,
But there's no longer a word for it,
But normality.

Am I like a like a needle,
To be used for company,
Until you no longer need me?
Thrown into the dumpster,
Off you run, to him, to her.
I'll never mean as much to you.

I was never intravenous,
Never under your skin as you were mine,
Always so naive, always too kind.
I like to think I've learned my lesson,
And I thank you for your education.

Trust nobody,
Because you will be used by everybody.


© Everlasting Void

why does it always have to happen everytime 'we' meet?.. i just hope their all ready for a good eye-opener.. if they don't see it comming already..
climb the fence

[27 Dec 2003|10:28pm]
Back home from NY/NJ. The only thing that i can say.. is that i knew it was going to be the way it was.. . Yeah, their were fun times.. playing poker and junk, but in the end.. the fourth card proved it's meaning... the turn. I thought it would never get this way.. but it has. Last time, i had something to occupy my time, but now..it's time to meet reality.
climb the fence

[27 Dec 2003|10:25pm]
Stained and afraid that this won't ever go away
Engulfed inside a blaze of memories
And the strain of digging holes, is beginning to take it's toll
And I saw this coming, when you started running over my dreams but isn't it funny
It eats at me slowly and I found redemption in suffering
And it's just like you to say, I'd be better off without you anyway
Now I'm stumbling through my words and it's all your fault, so feel guilty
Stained and looking for a way out of this mess
The feelings and the truth are hard to confess
But you've seen the cycle round now I guess you had me figured out
So you watched me suffer, it inched it's way slowly under my skin
But I saw this coming, when you started running
Now it seems sensible to burn the bridge
And it's just like you to say, that it's better when you have things your own way
Now I'm stumbling through my words and it's all your fault
So feel guilty.
climb the fence

[25 Dec 2003|02:24pm]
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone

And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you
Feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the
Things I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to


This is my December
These are my snow-covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need

And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said to you

And I give it all away
Just to have
Somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to

This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear

And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
1 broke through | climb the fence

[23 Dec 2003|11:19pm]
Respect
Respect is what is found
Respect should be abound
Respect everything that you leave
(I can't believe)
Can't Believe

And I, I can't believe
I can't believe all the travesty
Surrounding me, I , I want to flee
I want to flee from everything
In front of me!

Can't Believe

Never again, trusted in you
Fuck everything you think I should be
I stand, never again, never again
--
Can't Believe
climb the fence

[23 Dec 2003|07:06pm]
[ mood | Sevendust ]

Step up to me - Step up to me
You wanna be a big time player - it's not to be
Look at all the snide ass - actin like a wise ass
I'll fuck up your face and you'll never look back

CHORUS:
So when you fall to the ground
And finally get back to reality
And no one else is around
So tell me how does it feel to be the enemy?

Step up to me - Step up to me (x2)
Step up to me - Step up to me
You wanna be a big time player - it’s not to be

Look at your face - look at your name
It's funny you’re a loser with only yourself to blame
Cut your fucking hair now - scared of all the stare downs
You wanna be like me cause it's real
So you steal on your way to fame
Never gonna be - never gonna see
Your name in lights - you can always dream what ‘cha could've been
Clean up my shit - you look like a dick
Step to unemployment - step

So when you fall to the ground
And finally get back to reality
And no one else is around
So tell me how does it feel to be the enemy? (x2)

Step! Step up to me – step up
You’re the enemy!
(x2)

So when you fall to the ground
And finally get back to reality
And no one else is around
So tell me how does it feel to be the enemy? (x2)


the anger.. the hatred..

the cycle starts one again..

RL Red Vs. Angelinas tonight, 8:15... if anyone cares...

i hate every person i know...

climb the fence

[21 Dec 2003|10:55am]
another face
another empty space
the feelings fade
and all the lonely ones are left hiding

your spirit's so thin
there's nothing left to take
without rhyme or reason
you point the other way
i don't need to watch as
you go down in flames
i said over and over

the water comes
and leaves its faint traces
you're bored to tears
i'll keep you here but you won't listen
climb the fence

[14 Dec 2003|05:28pm]
Let it snow, let it hail, let it kill...

The party was fun. Ryan and I ceran-wrapped & baby oiled hannah's new car.. oh the fun. After running away, since holly's neighbors saw us, we ran back up to holly's house, and continued on w/ the party. Dropped off erby, and called it a night.

Dad's still in NJ.. don't have any clue how he's goign to get home. Luckily he has my car.. so he shouldn't be in that bad of shape w/ AWD. He's pretty screwed because of the weather. Don't know when he'll be home, but i hope he's safe... Someone's gotta man the house while he's gone, even if it's for a day or two.. or 2 months.. whichever he chooses.

I'm kinda pissed.. we're not going up to NY for Christmas. I liked going up there, and spending time w/ Rohan and Seema. It was f-u-n. It made me feel good. But instead, this year, we're spending Christmas w/ Aakash, Ravi, Dimp, Tej., Deepa, Amee, Bhaven. I guess this'll be fun.. but ravi just pisses me off. He's soo immature, and stupid. He sucks everyone into his stupidity. Him and Vishal.. now it's spreading to Aakash.. Oh well.. i guess it'll be a lonely 'Christmas' like last year... no harm done.

I just got this adreniline rush straight through my body.. i dunno why. Maybe it's cuz i've been stuck inside all day. Now there's Limp Bizkit blaring in my house, practically shaking it entirely... but i can't stop it..


Fight...
Sometimes you gotta fight for your right when you're
Not sure you're in a fight for your life, right?
If you ain't packin' any tactics you might get your ass kicked
Even if you are a little knuckle head
I'm kinda sick of being aggravated, i'm glad I'm hated
I guess i'm doin' somethin' right
That's what happened back in columbine
You gotta know when to stop and don't go over the top
' cuz there's a chamber deep inside the brain
That's covered with chains, so don't be shakin' 'em loose
And if ya do, i'd be runnin' for the hills
' cuz i'm ready to rock and now i'm playin' for real
I gotta... fight.... fight
You'd better watch out when my adrenaline kicks
I gotta... fight... fight...
It's too late you already been hit... damn
[chorus]
Stick 'em stick em'
Stick em ha ha ha stick em
Stick em' stick em'
Yeah, head for the barricade
[x2]
This world can make you sick to your stomach so i
Put on my headphones, listen to the deftones
It's gettin' crowded in my spaceship
Livin' in a dream, runnin' from a hate machine
Ya know it's such a drag when there's people talking down to ya
Such a drag thinking everything sucks (do ya?)
Walk away with the spit on your face?
Or do ya draw the line just to give 'em a taste?
' cuz i know its never gonna end,
If it happens again i'm going straight for the throat
Another note, don't forget your had a chance
Now off of the side lines and ready to dance
I gotta... fight.... fight
Better watch out when my adrenaline kicks
I gotta... fight... fight...
It's too late you already been hit... damn
[chorus]
If you got the guts (head for the barricade)
Then come on down (head for the barricade) [x2]
And head for the barricade
Fight!! [x8]
Head for the barricade
I ain't playin' around
Head for the barricade
I ain't playin' around
[chorus]



i need to get out of this house.. and quick.. before something breaks.
1 broke through | climb the fence

[11 Dec 2003|04:28pm]
Out of the playground’s ashes
Come little men with little games
They’re playing war
They’re planning new crusades like new arcades
The reason for the season is to flood the media
With suicidal mania
And paint this landscape with this human waste

So lets all sing a song of love
Lets sing sing sing sing
Sing until our throats bleed

And if this child could sing he would say:
I don’t need anybody
I don’t need anyone
I don’t need your guidance home
Watch as I build my empire
Watch as I rise and fall
Watch as I fight all alone

History’s a stage for re-runs
For 3 A.M. insomniacs who quote the episodes
If tricycles came with guns we’d all be safe
Little green men didn’t come from outer space
With coupons in the Sunday Paper
They came from corporate brains

So until we all confess
And admit we stole the candy
These little men are playing games
>From here to eternity
But I'll be sitting by myself here
Waiting oh so patiently
Waiting for the sky to fall
And purge this frail humanity


damn....
climb the fence

[10 Dec 2003|03:35pm]
DISTURBED LYRICS

"God Of The Mind"

Na Ha-nha

Get in get in get in get into now
Get in get into come take over me
[x3]
Get in get in get in get into now
Get on get into like me

Time, not having an easy time
Never gonna have an easy time
Given the run around to me
I can feel it coming around again

Time, a changing a wasting
Come and get up in my face again.yes
Time ,given the run around to me

And I'm not having an easy time
Never having an easy
You know this time it has never gone easy
Time never having an easy
You'll never meet another like me

Get in get into like me like me
Get in get into like me like me
Get in get into lie to me like me
Get into like me like

[Repeat all above]

Get Ready
Time never gonna die
Never gonna give into me
You want a Deity like me
You want a God
But you're never gonna give into me
Want a Deity like me

Time, Get it Get it
Time, is just another God Of The Mind
Time, get it get it
Time, is just another God Of The Mind

Time, Never having an easy
You know this time it has never gone easy
Time, never having an easy
You'll never meet another like me
climb the fence

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